


It's not who I am Frerard

by MerthurIsMyOTP



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/M, M/M, transgender!frank
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-07
Packaged: 2018-02-24 08:15:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2574497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MerthurIsMyOTP/pseuds/MerthurIsMyOTP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank has a secret. No one can know about it. Once he thought he could tell his parents. They would love him unconditionally, right?</p><p>Well... They didn't. They told Frank to shut his mouth and that he wasn't allowed to talk about his secret ever again. They told him that as soon as he turned eighteen, they'd throw him out of the house.</p><p> So Frank kept his secret. But he hated his life like this... He slowly turned into a quiet boy without interests. A boy who wouldn't talk unless it was neccesary. </p><p>But then gets new neighbours. They have two sons. Gerard and Mikey Way. They break down Frank's wall and become friends. But Frank starts to feel something for the eldest brother. When he discovers that Gerard likes him back, he has to make a decision. Should he tell Gerard... that he actually wants to be a girl?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The new neighbors

**Frank**

I was just strumming my guitar a little when the doorbell rang. I sighed, put down the guitar and walked to the front door to open it. Right before me stands a redhaired boy, and  _God_ , he's hot.

"Hi. My name is Gerard, I'm one of the new neighbors. My parents told me to go out and make friends, so I thought, I'll see who lives next to me." the boy smiles.

"Uhm, okay. Nice. My name is Frank." I say, slightly uncomfortable. I'm very shy and I actually don't like meeting new people. But if this guy is going to live next to me, it might be nice to become friends now.

"You... you wanna come in?" I ask him. The boy, Gerard, shrugs his shoulders. "If I'm not bothering you."

"Oh I was bored so actually you're right in time." I smile. I step aside so Gerard can walk in. I close the door behind him and then lead Gerard to the living room, where my mom and dad are.

"Mom, dad, this is Gerard, one of the new neighbors. Is it okay if I hang out with him?" I ask. My parents give Gerard a look, and then they nod.

"Sure, why not." they say, and they return doing whatever they were doing. They don't even greet Gerard. I shake my head and give a little smile to Gerard. "So, you wanna see my room?" I ask him. Gerard nods.

"I love seeing someone's room. It tells me so much about the person." he smiles. I grin. "Okay, watch my room, and then tell me what you think about me." I smile. Gerard smiles back.

"Challenge accepted!" he laughs as we walk to my room.

"This is it." I say, and let Gerard walk in first. My room is... not what someone would expect from me. Everyone always thinks it's dark and black, but instead of that my walls are the color of grass and the windows let in a lot of light. My room is very clean, and not messy. A lot of people expect my room to be messy. I guess it's because I look dark, black and messy myself. But my room isn't any of that.

"Woah Frank, I love your room! It's so... I don't know, it makes me happy." he smiles.

"So, what do you think of me?" I grin.

"Let me think... You have very disturbing thoughts and that's why you keep your room so colourful and clean, so you have at least one place where you can find some peace. You love life, but you're afraid of something." he says. My cheeks start to burn and I turn around so he can't see the tears appearing in my eyes.

"H-how do you know all this?"

"Well... I didn't only take a look at your room, but at you too. It makes perfect sense. You are, sorry for saying this, a little messy. But your room isn't. That explains a lot." he says. I hear him walking over to me and he puts his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm sorry I made you upset... I didn't mean to... God I just met you and I already screwed up..." he says, and I can tell he really means his excuses. I wipe off my tears and turn around to face Gerard.

"It's okay. You didn't screw up. In fact, you're the first person in my life who notices that I have... well... 'disturbing thoughts' as you called it." I smile.

"You... wanna talk about it?"

"NO! I mean... No... rather not. I never told anyone, except for my parents, and they hated me for it, so I guess it's better if I don't tell anyone ever again. Especially someone I met just ten minutes ago." I grin. Gerard nods.

"You have a point there. Just know, if you ever want to talk about it, well, I'm your neighbor now." Gerard smiles.

"Thanks man. Okay, now I want to see  _your_  room, maybe I can do the same thing as you did." I grin. Gerard laughs and then gestures me to follow him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Gerard**

I take the boy with me to my room. My parents and my little brother Mikey are not at home, probably doing groceries.

"So... since we just came to live here I haven't had the chance to do a lot to my room, but this is how far I am."

"It looks like it's going to be awesome. You need any help?"

"Well I'd like some help but I don't want to bother you?"

"Oh but I'd love to help!" Frank smiles and his smile almost makes me melt.  _No... no Gerard. Don't you dare to fall in love with this guy. He's probably straight._

"Uh, okay then." I smile back.

"Great! Just tell me what I need to do." Frank smiles again.

Soon we are trying to transform some wooden planks into a bed, but we completely fail.

"I don't understand. I'm such a girl..." I sigh. Frank tenses and turns his back to me.

"Yeah, me too." he laughs, but I can hear it's fake.

"Are you okay?" I ask him worried.

"I'm fine." he snaps and sighs. "Sorry. I'm just frustrated I don't understand how this works." he explains and I act like that answer is fine with me. But I know there's more. Why else would he tense?

But then Mikey comes in and he grins.

"Hi Gee, I see you found out that you actually need your little brother?" he laughs. He walks over to Frank, who is still trying to build the bed, and helps him.

"I'm Mikey, Gerard's little brother." he introduces himself with a smile.

"Frank, your neighbor." Frank smiles back. I see he is checking Mikey out and I suddenly feel a little bit jealous. I shake my head to get rid of the feeling. Frank is probably straight, and even if he isn't, Mikey is. I have nothing to worry about....  _Right?_

I watch Mikey and Frank build the bed and I'm surprised by how quick it goes. Mikey is way more technical than me.

"Thanks Mikey." I say when they're done and hug him. Mikey laughs and tells me if I need him again, I can call for him, and then he walks away.

"Hey! I also helped with the bed!" Frank exclaims and he pouts.

"So?" I say confused.

"I don't get a hug?" he smiles and I immediately turn red.  _Okay... maybe this guy is not straight at all... let's find out!_

"I'm lazy. I wanna hug you, but you have to come and get it yourself." I grin and spread my arms.

Frank gives me a fake sigh, and then walks over to me to give me a hug. I wrap my arms around him and smile. I smell his scent and I frown. He smells very femine. I mean, I smell the scent of shampoo with the scent of roses. I smile. I like it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Frank**

_Dear Diary..._

_I've done something so stupid... I hugged my new neighbour, Gerard Arthur Way... I couldn't help myself. He is so sweet, so caring, so funny and so hot..._

_But I can't let this happen! I saw the way he looked at me when I was checking Mikey (his little brother) out. He was jealous. Which means he likes me... But he can't like me! I'm not who he thinks I am... I don't want to disappoint him._

_So from now on I'll keep distance from him. Even though I don't want that. But I have no choice..._

_I'm sorry Gerard, it's better if I do this now, than have you find out about my secret..._

_So long and goodnight,_

_Frankie_


	4. Chapter 4

**Gerard**

I walk over to Frank's house and ring the bell. A few seconds later his mother opens the door.

"Hello Mrs. Iero, is Frank home?"

"Uhh, yeah I think he is, I'm not sure. You can check out if he's in his room" she says and lets me in.

"Thank you." I say and wonder why she doesn't know whether Frank is home or not. I get the feeling that Frank's parents are not exactly fond of their son.

I knock on Frank's door.

"Who's there?"

"A very good looking red haired neighbour." I answer and I hear Frank giggle and I smile. Frank is so cute.  _No... no Gerard. Don't think that!_

"You can come in, Gee." Frank says and I walk. I see him closing a notebook.

"Is that your secret diary?" I joke, but Frank nods.

"Yeah it is. But don't tell my parents, they can't know about it."

"Then why can I? You only met me but you know your parents your whole life."

"My parents don't like me. I don't trust them. I do trust you. You seem like a good guy." Frank explains and sighs. I see it hurts him that his parents don't like him. I feel so sorry for him...

"Then why don't they like you?"

"Because... because I am not what they want me to be. I'm not okay in their eyes. They even said I was in contact with the devil..."

"Then why do you still live here?"

"Because I'm not eighteen yet. As soon as I am, I'll be gone."

"I'm so sorry Frank..."

"I know you are, thank you. So. What exactly are you doing here?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to hang out with me? I'm bored and Mikey is annoying and saying stupid things to me and you are nice company." I smile. Frank smiles back.

"Sure. I'm glad I don't have a little brother. Where do you want to go?"

"Starbucks?" I propose and Frank grins.

"I like you even more now, Gee." he laughs. He hides his diary under his matress and puts on his shoes. We walk to Starbucks and order some ice coffee.

"Oh. I  _love_ Starbucks so much." Frank moans after he drank half of his coffee. I wonder what his moans  
sound like when I fuck him...  _NO GEE! Fucking stop thinking like this!_

I know it's too late. I really like Frank, even though I just met him. He is so beautiful, but also mysterious. I know something is bothering him, but he is afraid to tell me because his parents rejected him. I'll stop trying to hold myself back from him, and instead I'll try to win him for me, and let him trust me enough to tell me his problem.  _And whatever it is, I will not reject him. Never._


	5. Chapter 5

**Frank**

"Uh. Gerard? Are you okay?" I say with a frown. I was telling him something but after a few sentences I notices he is not listening at all.

"Huh? Oh. Sorry. Yeah. I'm back on earth." he says and blushes. "I was watching your beautiful face and I zoned out." he says then. It feels like he hit me in my face. I blush and look to the ground.

"So. You're gay?" I ask him when my body relaxed. Gerard shrugs.

"Not sure. I do like some girls, but I prefer boys." he smiles and I try to smile back.  _See, he prefers boys. He'll never like me..._

"You?" he asks me. I bite my lips.

"It's.... complicated. But yes, I also like boys, never been in love with a girl."

"You want to go out with me?" Gerard asks and that's when I almost choke on my ice coffee.

"You... you want to go out with  _me_? Uhm. Really, Gerard, I'd love to... but... but I'm a really complicated person... If you don't want to throw yourself in to that, I'll recommend you to stay away from me..." I whisper. Gerard grabs one of my hands.

"I don't care that you're complicated, Frankie. I like you, and whatever it is that you think I will not like, I'll try to understand and accept it. I promise. I will not give up on a beautiful boy like you, just because it's not easy." he smiles and tears fill my eyes.

"You're so sweet Gerard." I whisper, while wiping away my tears. Gerard smiles to me and squeezes my hand.

When we finished our ice coffees we go to Gerard's house. I introduce myself to his parents, and then we go to Gerard's room. Because there are still no chairs, we sit on his bed and talk. We talk about our hobbies, books, music... Yes, we have a lot in common.

When I say I have to go back home for dinner, Gerard invites me to stay here. So I call my parents to ask if it's okay.


	6. Chapter 6

**Gerard**

I watch Frank calling his mom.

"Hi mom, it's Frank."

"..."

"Yes. Can I stay over at Gerard's for dinner?"

"..."

"But you know I can't help that I'm not eighteen yet!"

"..."

"Just wait another month, and I'll be gone, okay." he snaps and hangs up the phone. He immediately starts to cry. I pull him close and wrap my arms around his body.

"Shh... Frankie... it's okay. Shhh..." I try to comfort him.

"Why can't they love me as I am, WHY?!" he screams. I pull him even closer and let him rest his head on my shoulder.

"I don't understand it Frankie... You are so sweet... how can they hate you like that?" I whisper and give him a kiss on his forehead. "You are perfect to me Frankie."

"Yes. Right now I am. But what if you know my secret? You won't like me in the way that I want you to like me..." Frank cries and it breaks my heart.

I kiss him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Gerard**

I feel Frank tense all over his body, but then he kisses me back. He wraps his arms around me and slightly opens his mouth. I immediately grab that opportunity and open my mouth too. Our tongues find each other and I moan. I put Frank on his back and straddle his hips before kissing him again. I feel his erection growing and I-

"S-stop..." I hear.  _Shit._ I look at Frank and cup his face with my hands. "Honey, it's okay that you don't want this." I whisper reassuring.

"B-but... but I  _do_ want to do this with you... It's just... I... I feel..." he stutters and starts crying again. I want to console him, ask him what's wrong. But he pulls away and sprints out of the room, leaving me startled.

_What the..._

**Frank**

_Dear Diary..._

_Shit shit shit! What have I done? I'm so stupid! So fucking stupid! How could I let Gerard kiss me like that? You met him yesterday, YESTERDAY FRANKIE!_

_What does he think of me now? He probably thinks I'm weird and he never wants to have to do anything with me again._

_I mean. He was aroused, I was aroused. But then... but then I became hard... I realized, again, that I'm a boy. I almost cried and that's why I left Gerard alone._

_I want to have sex with Gerard so badly. But not as a boy..._

_I... I think I'm going to get an ice coffee at Starbucks for the second time today. I need it._

_So long and goodnight._

I close my notebook and walk to Starbucks.


	8. Chapter 8

**Gerard**

For the second time today I go to Frank's house and ring the bell. Now it's Frank's father who opens the door.

"Hello Mr. Iero. Is Frank home?"

"Why would I know? Check his room and see for yourself." he says and lets me in.  _Geez he is even worse than Frank's mother..._

"Thank you." I say and walk to Frank's room. He is not there, but I see his notebook, he must have forgotten to hide it. I pick it up to hide it, but I'm being clumsy and I drop it. It falls open on a drawing from a girl. Just above the drawing I see some words.  _'Wish I was this girl...'_

_Wait what?_

I browse through the pages and that's when I realize what Frank's secret is. He is born as a boy, buy he is a girl... He is transgender, and that's why his parents hate him...

_Shit... I feel so sorry..._

"G-gerard?" I hear Frank's voice and I look up. He stands in the doorstep and then he sees that I'm reading his diary and his eyes fly wide open. Before he has the chance to run away again, I run towards him and wrap my arms around him.

"It's okay Frankie. I promise. It's okay. I don't judge you for this. I never will." I whisper. Frank collapses against my chest and cries. And cries. And cries. And I just hold him.

"C-can I stay over with you tonight?" Franks whispers. His voice is weak.

"Of course. You need anything?"

"Uhm... I... my diary." he says. I hand it over to him. I take his hand and we go to my house. I put him under the covers of my bed and give him a kiss on his hair.

"Sleep well, Frankie."

"Night, Gee. Thank you." he says, and drifts off to sleep.

I tell my parents that Frank has troubles with his parents and stays over. They're fine with it.

I go back to my room and crawl under the covers, next to Frank, and fall asleep too.


End file.
